Apr 15 2014

Speed Run: Half-Life 1 Completed in Under 21 Minutes

halflifespeedrunWhen you played the first Half-Life game how long did it take you to complete it? Couple of days? Longer? Gave up and went back to Diablo? In any case, you didn’t do it this fast.

Here’s a video of the new record time to finish Half-Life 1. Impressively it only took 20 minutes and 41 seconds.

Like any form of competition, speedrunning generates arguments over authenticity. Does a speedrun count if it relies on a bunny-hopping mod, in-game glitches and different runners tackling different parts of the game in short segments? I’m not sure I care either way. No matter the methods, Half-Life 1 being completed in 20 minutes and 41 seconds is an accomplishment of endurance, skill and effort. More importantly it’s a beautifully entertaining video, full of ingenuity and grace and physical comedy.

if anything it’s too fast. I had a hard time keeping up while watching the video. Considering I spend most of my time looking for med packs after headcrab attacks it’s really impressive to see that only 28 enemies are killed in the whole run.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Apr 15 2014

Gross and Impressive: The Worlds Only Penis Museum

TFM_Specimen_Jars1428665539If it exists, or if anyone has ever thought about it, there is a museum for it. Prove me wrong. For example, here’s a display from “The Final Member” a museum dedicated entirely to the penis. I know, some people would argue that the dick was behind many other museums. But in most of those cases it wasn’t on display.

What’s the one thing missing from this museum? A human specimen. Probably because most guys are so hesitant to give theirs up. There is an upcoming documentary about the museum itself called “The Final Member.” I’m hoping they chronicle the collection of some of their specimens. I’d be interested to see the crew chase down a lion for the harvest.

“It’s a thing of beauty, it belongs in a museum.”
No. I’m still using it.
“Don’t you want others to enjoy it.”
Yeah, but not like that.
“Can they have it when you’re done?”
No. By then it will be all used up and I don’t want to be remembered that way.

Hit the jump for a video.

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Apr 15 2014

Good Luck to Them: Flying Around the World on Solar Power

solarimpulse2This is the Solar Impulse 2 which is slated to fly around the world using only the power of the sun. That will be a pretty impressive feat if they can do it. So I’ll send them off with my best wishes.

The aircraft has a 236-foot wingspan, and is covered in 17,238 solar cells. That’s wider than a 747 (with 17,238 more solar cells than one), but the cockpit only holds one person at a time. It’s made of carbon fiber and weighs just 5,000 pounds, with engines that are 90 percent more efficient than the turbofans that drive commercial jets. During the flight, the plane will cruise at 28,000 feet to soak up the Sun during the day, dropping down to 16,000 feet at night. It only goes 40 mph, so the trip around the world will take 20 to 25, including time spent switching between pilots.

I assume that is supposed to read “20 to 25 days,” but I’m not about to sit down and do the math.

To help conserve power the plane has neither an air conditioner nor a heater, which probably sucks at 28,000 feet. There is a toilet though. Built right into the seat. That’s every man’s dream.

Apr 15 2014

Been There: the 50 Most Frustrating Moments in Video Games

frustrating-video-game-momentsAs much joy as video games bring to our lives they call also be a major source of stress and frustration. Even though the stress is undo and the frustration you brought on yourself it doesn’t make them any less real.

How many times have you thrown a controller across the room because it keeps failing you? You push a button and the reaction is delayed, in your head. Or you’re playing along on Super Mario 64 and the little joystick on the controller breaks off and stabs into your thumb? That always sucks.

The fellas at buzzfeed put together a video chronicling the 50 most frustrating moments in video games. Unfortunately for some of us those are also the first 50 experiences we have when gaming.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Apr 14 2014

Realistic Mario: Ruining My Childhood

realisticmario-copy-600x298

In Pete Holmes’ latest sketch comedy video, we finally get to see what Mario’s 8-bit world would be like if it was a little more realistic.

If video games were realistic we wouldn’t play them because they would be awful. When have you ever played a game that was meant to be realistic that wasn’t awful. It would either be impossible to play or boring as a spreadsheet tracking the cost of corn.

That’s because real-life sucks. For this reason video games were created. But people like to point out the hilarity in fiction sometimes. Here we have a video of what would happen if Mario was more realistic. Be warned, it is devastating.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Apr 14 2014

Gender Swap: Disney Characters Trade Sexes

out_of_water_by_sakimichan-d79ulj8DeviantArtist sakmichan created a group of images of Disney characters who’ve changed ganders. Luckily sakimichan draws in more of an anime style so you can almost pass of the newly made guys as the ladies they once were.

The big difference here is that not you can look at your favorite Disney princesses with their shirts off at work. Unless you have your own office then you’re in business anyhow. Don’t worry, the rules that apply to the cubicle riders don’t apply to you. Jerk.

I have to admit the art is well done. I couldn’t create anything so nice if I had formal training and 100 years of practice. I don’t have a lot of self-confidence.

Hit the jump for more.

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Apr 14 2014

Gross: Ladies Fashion Shoes for the Birds

h1_Upload1Birds are gross. That’s why your mom wouldn’t let you touch the babies or bring the feathers you found inside. Some people though still like them, and we’ll never know why. Those are the people who keep parakeets as pets even though they are messy, loud, narcissistic, and unfriendly. It’s like keeping a cage full of tiny pimps.

This unbelievable footwear was made by Japanese designer Masaya Kushino as a part of his Bird-Watched collection.

Masaya makes custom women’s shoes inspired by nature, and although some of his designs can’t be worn and are intended only for ogling, these pieces are actually wearable. They’re currently on display at the Kyoto National Museum of Modern Art and will be making their way to the US where you’ll be able to see them later on this year at the Brooklyn Museum.

Will I be going to see these when they get to the US? No. Am I okay with it if other people want to go see these? I guess so, but they’re gross, you have to admit that first.

As impossible as it looks. I’m told all of these shoes are actually wearable. That’s probably the most impressive part of the creations. I imagine that being able to wear them and being able to walk in them are separate issues. I can wear pants made of razor blades but I can’t move while I’m wearing them.

Hit the jump for more shots.

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Apr 14 2014

For Added Protection: Shield Fire Extinguisher

shield_extinguisherWhat is the biggest problem with fire extinguishers. I mean besides stupid people who can’t figure out how to use them. They are the biggest problem with all products. If your answer is “the fire itself” then you guessed where I’m going with this.

Because fires are hot and household fires tends to burn things like oil and furniture that tend to pop and spatter and generally burn unevenly. Because of this people tend to not use normal fire extinguishers to their full potential. Instead they close their eyes and spray wildly and ineffectively.

But what if they have a shield to hide behind? Introducing the Shield Extinguisher which is just what it sounds like a fire extinguisher with a built-in shield. Or vice versa. This gives the user something to hide behind while they try to put out the fire resultant from their coke, mentos, and high voltage electricity experiment.

Hit the jump for more shots. Expect some Engrish.

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Apr 11 2014

Want: Personal Jet Engines for Extreme Sports

DreamScience-Electric-ThrustersThe future is here, or maybe it’s still coming, I’m not really clear on that. Dreamscience is currently working on the development of personal jet engines for use in extreme sports. We’re going to have to find a new term for them now. I suggest we break them into two classes. Unassisted Extreme Sports and Assisted Extreme Sports. Watch for them in the X-Games.

The contraption breaks down to four electric jet engines that you harness to yourself. They are powered by a battery pack that you wear like a backpack.

The newest version coming down the pike boasting 132 pounds of burst thrust or a top sustainable force of 88 pounds of thrust for 15 minutes. Of course, you don’t have to fire your engines at full-throttle all the time, and the Thrusters can even be used to help you maneuver or slow down at the end of a run.

How about the Assisted Extreme Sport of helping me off the couch? Or what about the lifeless drag across the beach? Or how do you think it would turn out if I tied these to the handlebars on my bicycle? That would be cool right?

The possibilities are endless.

Hit the jump for a video.

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Apr 11 2014

Somebody Needs a Nap: The Avengers as Children

little-avengers-topArtist Ben Oliver decided it was high time that someone look into what the Avengers looked like as kindergarteners. The answer is generally grumpy and sometimes bearded. Two things that you just don’t want to see in a 5-year-old.

It looks like all these kids have a really rough home life. And that saddens me. How else could you explain Nick Fury having an eye patch and a scar and little Bruce Banner being green. All he wanted to do was be Kermit for Halloween but thanks to his brother he was green until Memorial Day.

At least Tony and Thor only had to deal with parents who had ambitions to get their kids into professional sports and started with the steroids early.

Hit the jump for the full set.

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