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May 14 2013

Happy Meal, With A Fountain Of Youth Please

A man who shall remain unnamed (David Whipple) has a burger he bought from McDonald’s that looks exactly the same as the day he bought it. I’m gonna find whatever is perserving this thing, splice it into my genes, and then live forever! The downside is that I will smell like McDonalds when I get nervous or fart. It’s a small price to pay if you ask me.

Here is a picture of the beastly creature:

burger

 

The crazy thing to me is that this delicious sandwich of pure happiness ended up in a coat pocket. Usually when I buy something like this, it magically disappears before I remember unwrapping the dang thing. That could be because of my clepto buddy, he’s working on it.  

McDonald’s also reports that this phenomenon isn’t a phenomenon and is to be expected by their burgers. Here is exactly what they said:

“…what is scientifically known is that in bacteria and mold only grow under certain conditions…In fact, any food purchased from a restaurant or grocery store or prepared at home that lacks moisture would also dehydrate and see similar results if left in the same environment.”

So from now on, I am going to take all of my fruit and stick them in my coat pockets. I better really increase the weight that my closet hangars can take cuz that is my new pantry. Something tells me that this isn’t going to work out, but heck, McDonalds says it is totally normal. Maybe that is because their burgers are dipped in formaldehyde before wrapping it up.  I guess we’ll never know, but actually, deep down we all really do.

Hit the jump to see some other pictures and a video.

nasty reciept

 

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  1. State of the Web May 20, 2013 » Uncanny Flats

    […] Happy Meal, With A Fountain Of Youth Please A man who shall remain unnamed (David Whipple) has a burger he bought from McDonald’s that looks exactly the same as the day he bought it. I’m gonna find whatever is perserving this thing, splice it into my genes, and then live forever! The downside is that I will smell like McDonalds when I get … […]

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