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Nov 29 2013

Devil Cat Terrorizes Village

shiny_2747722bThis is Shiny the cat. The other residents of his quaint English village refer to him simply as “Devil Cat.” I’m sure that’s only in the eyes of reporters and God that they call him that though. In their own homes or in the life or death struggles that this cat brings with him I’m sure they have other words to use. You see the problem is Shiny is an ***hole and he keeps attacking people sending both humans and other pets to their respective hospitals. Check out some of the reports from his attacks. Remember this wasn’t funny when it was happening.

Locals say Shiny chases children, picks fights with dogs and even bursts into people’s homes to claw and scratch them.

“He was pestering my cat though the glass door and he suddenly jumped up at me and started attacking me.”

“It is just four sets of claws and a set of teeth coming at you.”

“Twice when I’ve gone out to get my cat and it has attacked me. It launched off the fence and attached itself to my arm.”

“He was scratching at the door so I opened it slightly to shoo him away and he pounced on me and pinned me to the wall.”

Shiny’s owners say they are trying to curb his behaviour and he has been neutered and booked in to see an animal psychologist.

First off, LOLOLOLOLOL. Second, it’s a travesty that these poor villagers have to live in fear of this demon cat. If this were happening anywhere else in the world someone would just shoot the cat. But I understand that in the UK they don’t believe in guns. Attention citizens of the UK, guns are a real thing, just like wars, God, and chocolate flavored marshmallows; go purchase one. Didn’t you people used to deal with gnomes, and werewolves and other such evil mythical creatures? Your ancestors always found a way to solve the problem, what’s wrong with you?

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