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Mar 21 2014

How to Poop Like a Samurai

Samurai-Pose-1If you have a lifetime quest to learn everything and be all you can be, then I have a couple of recruiters for you to talk to. And this is something you need to know. Did you know that you are not using the toilet effectively? All I know is that my toilet groans when I sit down. Today, right now, you’re going to learn to poop like a Samurai.

The method his master taught for relieving oneself had been passed down for generations untold. When one would go to the outhouse, he would remove his right leg fully from his clothes. This was to give him full mobility. Yes, it would be odd to fight someone off when you were on the john, but imagine your feet being tied together when you were attacked on said john vs. your legs moving freely.

Secondly was body position and posture. The samurai would sit squarely on the seat, cross his leg so that his right ankle rested on his left knee (his left foot remained on the ground), place a hand on each knee, then straighten his back. Supposedly this aligns the bowels to help one from having to strain.

If I had enough room in my bathroom to even face forward when sitting on the can I might give this a try. As it is though there’s all sorts of health and safety codes the builders of my apartment ignored so I won’t be attempting this until I come to your house. Don’t be surprised if I call you from the toilet for help standing back up.

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