The Stuff of Nightmares

Must go faster. MUST GO FASTER...

Must go faster. MUST GO FASTER…

Well, time travel to the past just became an even worse idea. Researchers found fossilized bones of this freaky-ass, upright-walking crocodile. Yes, you read that correctly.

Now called Carnufex carolinensis, the crocodile ancestor likely walked on its hind legs, preying on armored reptiles and early mammal relatives in its ecosystem, the researchers say.

Carnufex carolinensis, Latin for “Proof Mother Nature Hates Us”, is thankfully extinct now. However, during its reign of terror it was quite the predator. Its teeth were so sharp and knife-like that researchers today refer to it as a “butcher”. How’s that for a reputation? Even after millions of years people are still scared of you.

This thing looks like it should be staggering out of a green-glowing pond next to a nuclear power plant. *shudder* My nightmares had a baby with a radioactive demon and made this monster.

Click here for some comfort and for everything to be ok.