If you were asked what human flesh tasted like how would you react? Would you be curious? You know, scientifically curious. Or would you just be horrified that the question was being posed at all?
Once you got over yourself, obviously your first answer is going to be that people taste like chicken. Because everything tastes like chicken. Except beef which tastes like heaven. As it turns out though, you’d be wrong. Who’s surprised?
If you were to base your answer on taste alone, you might be tempted to conclude that human flesh most closely resembles that of swine, making ours the other other white meat. It’s been said that cannibals on the Marquesas Islands of Polynesia, for example, referred to human meat as “long pig,” on account of its likeness to pork. Infamous German cannibal Armin Meiwes, in an interview conducted from his prison cell, once described human flesh as tasting like pork, only “a little bit more bitter, stronger. It tastes quite good.” Similarly, serial killers Fritz Haarmann and Karl Denke – German and Polish cannibals, respectively, of the early 20th century – are both said to have sold the flesh of their victims on black and local markets as “pork.” Even robots, for their part, think humans “taste” like pig.
Who thought it was a good idea to let a robot taste them? Seriously? If they think we taste like bacon you’ve just screwed humanity. Thank you very much. I hope they eat you first and maybe they’ll be sated by your delicious flesh and leave the rest of us to grow fat and unassuming.